TRENTON, NJ — The governor formerly known as The Honorable Christopher J. Christie had special news to share with New Jersey’s press corps this afternoon: Donald J. and Melania Trump’s adoption papers were processed and approved, and Chris Christie has finally become Chris Trump.
“This is really a dream come true. Dad is going to Make America Great Again, and while I will still campaign for him out of state, I will be better able to Make New Jersey Great Again as long as the State Assembly does all the legislation,” Governor Trump said to a room full of cheering New Jersey reporters.
When asked whether or not the adoption was part of a political deal for a cabinet appointment in a potential Trump administration, Governor Trump lobbed a classic Jersey comeback.
“You guys were silent when [then-governor] Jon Corzine begged Obama and Michelle to adopt him in ’08. You reporters are just jealous that I have a super successful, famous dad,” Governor Trump fumed.
When asked how he planned to deal with New Jersey’s soon-to-be-bankrupt Transportation Trust Fund, Governor Trump responded, “Listen, we have to give dad a chance. He is our best hope to beat Hillary Clinton, and once he is in the White House, everything will be okay.”
Governor Trump visibly lost his cool when one reporter questioned him about six Gannett NJ newspapers’ and NJ Advance Media’s calls for his resignation.
“Well if you’re not going to phrase the question properly, I’m not going to answer it. I decide what questions I answer. You guys are being unfair. Do you know who my dad is?” thundered Governor Trump, who proceeded to wipe dripping hair gel off his brow.
After the press conference, Governor Trump and Mary Pat Trump were spotted getting into a State Police helicopter with “TRUMP” spray-painted in golden letters over the Garden State’s insignia.
Unprovoked, the governor’s press secretary assured reporters that Governor Trump was not going to a David Duke-hosted fundraiser in Louisiana.